THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE

Chemistry usually is misconstrued as the study of matter. Technically it is correct, but to
be more precise is the study of change. Like electrons that changes its energy level, and
molecules change their bonds, and elements, they combine and change into compounds.
And that is life ...its a cycle ...solutions and desolutions, over and over again. There is
growth and then decay, and transformations. Its a never ending process.

A good example is Chlorine, a poisonous gas, when combined with Sodium, a highly
reactive and poisonous metal, form a compound Sodium Chlorine, better known as
table salt. Both elements loses their poisonous properties to change into a one of the
most commonly used condiment to add flavor to foods.

As in love, two imperfect persons can form a perfect relationship. As the saying goes,
"the door to happiness is a very narrow one that only one person can pass through, so
they must become one." That is why spouses are called the better half -- a good
relationship is formed when both partner feel that their mates are a gift from heaven.
When one partner think that they don't deserve their mate, they are called the
"bitter half."

One of the best love chemistry example that I have seen on screen is the movie,
"Yours, Mine, and Ours". The movie, a romance-comedy, starring Dennis Quaid
as Coast Guard Admiral Frank Beardsley moved back to his old hometown with
his eight kids. There, he encounters his old flame from high school, hand-bag
designer Helen North, who too had ten children of her own from previous marriage.
Sparks flew between them and they decided to get married but their contrasting
life style posed a lot of problems for the opposing children. Helen and Frank's
children have no intention of playing nicely and finally decided to band together
to sabotage their parents' relationship.

Its a very entertaining movie, and aside from the moral lesson learned, you'll get
a hint of how you could make things work even when there are very few common
grounds to dwell on.

Here's one of the best scene from the movie. The part where the judge was about
to render judgement regarding their application for divorce :

JUDGE  : There's been a great fear expressed by many people that no woman can
                 give this large number of children sufficient affection and attention to
                 allow them to grow up in a healthy atmosphere. But in this court's
                 investigation of your home, the reverse seem to be true. The children
                 are all seemingly happy, well fed and the house is amazingly clean and
                 in good order. My wife has two children, one poodle and a full time maid
                 and can't seem to manage anything. What is your secret ?

HELEN : Well, Sir, a great deal of love, a little discipline and a husband who
                 doesn't criticize.

Watch the movie and be the judge ...

HOW TO BRING HAPPINESS INTO YOUR LIFE

          Happiness may seem elusive to some but it comes naturally - just don't take life too seriously. Laughter is an essential part of a happy life but not all people who laugh are happy. Some people wear a happy mask but they are hurting inside.  They say that money is the sixth sense that allows you to enjoy the other five senses. Still, some people can't find happiness in riches and fame.  Achieving a dream may bring happiness but sometimes  we still find some emptiness inside. And yet surprisingly some people despite the failures, and the poverty that befell them, seem happy and contented with their lives.  Can't help but wonder why ...maybe there's something more to it than meets the eye.

         We were all born happy.  Greeted with the happy faces of our parents, caressed and cared for by our brothers and sisters, held and pampered by our grandparents. They would do crazy things just to eke out a smile from our faces and shower us with attention.  As we grow older, we slowly turn from little angels into "imps" requiring greater attention.  We begin to learn  that there are rules at home, the don'ts and can'ts, and the rights and the wrongs based on the one who's taking care of us. Fathers spoil while the mother tries to impose discipline, and siblings have different versions of the rules at home.  The once happy baby's life gets muddled up, confused and unsure and from then on we are lead on unto a path that our parents pave for us to follow.

         But here's the catch - happiness still lies inside us - and no matter what happens next.  All we have to do is to believe that we are the one and the only one who decides, for happiness is merely a state of mind. We have no control of what comes and plays up inside our head but as we process them, we alone decides which of those thoughts are to be followed. Most of the times we don't have control of the circumstances we're in and the people who gets involve but with the right attitude and frame of mind we can remain happy and at peace with our self. Calm despite a storm, smile despite the miseries, feeling blessed despite the hardships, still willing to fight on despite the setbacks, -  people live and die but its a bit different when you have learned how to live before you die. Some call it faith, others call it serenity, but as I have experienced it, I simply call it  "rolling with the punches" for even if you're knocked down, you can still get up and move forward until the final bell sounds.

         I don't claim to be an expert on the field  -  I just hope that what worked for me could also work for some.  These are simply some of the things I discovered about life  :


1.}   LIFE  ISN'T  FAIR  BUT ITS THE ONLY LIFE WE'VE  GOT.

        We've got no choice but to live the life given to us. Why this kind of life ?  It may take a lifetime to figure that one out.  And as the saying goes - "Once you have figured out what life is really all about, you'll be lucky if you still have some years left in your time clock." Writing about the feelings we felt in every mistakes and foul ups we made while on our way to understanding what we're in for will allow us the luxury of having a good laugh of the golden memories of our past. That we too we're once stupid and ordinary mortals falling for some old tricks played on us. Funny memories brings laughter while happy memories bring tears.  Old age will teach us that our life will be measured not by the amount of wealth we were able to accumulate and the grand achievements we earned but by how much we have cultivated love within our circle of life.  Love and respect goes together, and if we could remember the past with a smile and look forward with the thought that we will be missed when we are gone, then you'll find out for yourself what the word "happiness" really means.


2.    COMPARISON  IS  THE  DEATH  OF JOY

       Once we rate our self  against another person, we're forever doomed to trailing his shadows.  Once we consider life as a race where we compete with other people towards reaching a particular goal, we will always be bothered by the thought of losing, burdened by envy, and pained by our insecurities. "Those who can, do, while who can't teaches"- I am not sure who said it but it really make sense to take inventory of your skills and attributes so you won't end up trying to be someone you can't be.
      A good example of this kind of person was Freddie Roach. He tried to be a champ, made it to the top 10 of his division but lost his attempt to annex the crown. He fought on, lost badly and quit the game 5 fights to late that as a result he suffered the effects of Parkinson's disease. But taking stock of all the beatings he received inside the ring he was able to figure out the things he did wrong and later decided to train fighters instead making use of that knowledge. He then crossed path with Manny Pacquiao, a fighter who had everything he dreamed of having, but requires some polishing on the edges, and as fate would have it - they became the legendary team, boxer and trainer, in establishing a record that would take generations to break - winning the title in 8 weight divisions.
      We are all but a bit of a grand puzzle and we have to figure out where we would fit in.  That's something I learned from years of practicing martial arts, particularly kickboxing - you have to hone up all your attributes and polish your skills, but once you're inside the ring, you alone have to do the fighting for no one else can do the fighting for you. You never never anticipate the outcome of a fight - you just allow nature to take its own course. The best opponent will also bring out the best in you and the better fighter  you're up against will be the measure of the skills you have within. You fight not to gain a win but to earn respect  -  something that is very hard to explain to someone who has never got himself into a fight.  Martial Arts doesn't teach you to compare yourself against another but for you to discover what you lack in your armor of defenses.  One thing unnoticed by most is that fighters who competed with each other usually become friends unlike in other sports like basketball and baseball where they hold grudges after the game.


3.     REMEMBER ONLY THE GOOD TIMES

        This one's seem hard to do but doable. While still young keep a journal. Write about the good
things that happened in your life. The bad, bury them deep and try not to tell anyone about it for you
will only recall the hurt and relive your anger. Time heals and although some scars remain wear them
like badge of courage - you survived and got stronger because of the experience. Forgive and forget,
and learn to trust again. People commit stupid mistakes and most like to atone for it. If ever they commit more stupid mistakes then just brush them away and find ways not to be casualty. There's
no need to watch the bridges as they were burning, for things doesn't always work out with some.
people. Lies ruin lives especially some that are so near the truth that were twisted a little bit to put
you in the bad light. People you like to keep close start to move away ... but as the saying goes,
"when the wheel is moving downward, let go." Just write about the good times and once they cross
back into your memories, sadness may linger but a strange form of happiness goes with them.


4.     AND LASTLY ...TRUST IN GOD, ITS HIS CALL

        Inspirational speakers, books about success, advice from people who made it big, always tell
of you being the master of your own destiny and everything depends on the choices that you make.
No argument about that . Religion tells us that the end of our rope is the beginning of God. No argument with that either. Just play your cards right, life is but a game and you're dealt with a set
of cards to make a bet. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and its your choice if you'll to
continue playing or take your winnings and leave the game. This are a lot easier if try to make the
most out of deals and let the chips fall where it may. Its a lot more relaxing when you travel the road
of life as a passenger that to assume the role of the driver unless you were called to drive. Sooner or later you'll find your "calling", there is always one for each and everyone. God made us for something and that's one thing we have to figure out so we could enjoy the life we have.